Let the Games Begin - McDonalds
I'm resigned to the fact most of the articles in this farce section are going to be on McDonalds, as I've said they're the biggest fast food place in the world and they just keep coming up with 'fresh' new ideas to stuff up. The latest are a bunch of continent themed burgers that have staged releases coming up to the olympic games, we'll of course be reviewing each one. The first of which is the McEurope.
Mmmm look at that chicken burger, plump, fresh and looks like something you'd dive right into. As the card reads - Crispy chicken fillet burger with shavings of parmesan cheese and traditional napoletana sauce made from rich tomato, oregano and basil. I've been to Europe, a few times, it's a great place, so a burger representing it should be pretty good, it looks quite good in the picture, let's have a peek at what we got.
Wow, looks a bit different, a bit sorry, a bit pathetic, this is how McDonalds wants Europe represented in the 'Flavour of the Games' huh? This sad, limp sandwich consisted of a dry but otherwise reasonable tasting deep fried chicken piece with a few strands of lettuce, some disgusting tomatoey based sauce and an ultra thin, tiny square piece of parmesan flavoured cheese that was on about 20% of the burger.
Under the hood you've got visual confirmation of the European nightmare that I've just parted $5.95 for. Just bear in mind that McDonalds now 'cooks' to order, whoever put this together either really has something against Europe or just generally has no idea. Take a good look at the burger in the poster and then cast your eyes on my real pics of how this thing came to me, another amazing case of farce food! I can't wait to try the American, African, Asian and Australian versions of this world wind tour of the flavour of the games brought to us by McDonalds!
Mc Watchamacallit - McDonalds
Okay this is getting ridiculous, but they keep asking for it. Launch a burger and ask the public to name it, not a problem usually, fun in fact, some might say, but when the burgers being served seem to stir up emotions of disgust and revolt in the beholders then I don't think it's a very good idea.
Above is the new name it burger from McDonalds, looking plump and juicy with fresh lettuce, tomato and grilled onions, even a slice of cheese and some nice flavours added to the meat pattie this is one burger that certainly has potential. To be a part of the naming fun we had to try one for inspiration to come up with possible names, let's take a look at what we came up with....
As the box says, 'Try it, Name it', on opening the box let's say I was 'shocked', 'surprised' and 'disappointed' ... there's some good names there... Mc Shocked, or Mc Disappointment!
Under the hood things only got worse, not only was the taste revolting but the presentation was non existant, I couldn't even see the cheese, everything was disgusting about this burger. On with some more naming suggestions, Mc Disgust, Mc Revolt, perhaps something a little different, something that the burger makes you want to do 'Mc Vomit' maybe, really there's too many choices here and none is really better than another, so my suggestion for a name is 'The totally disgusting and bitterly disappointing, revolting and vomit inducing burger'. Wonder if it'll take.
Lean Beef - McDonalds
Yeah Yeah, McDonalds again, what can I say? It's the biggest fast food outlet down here, and with a menu that's diversifying they have some interesting options to choose from. Here's one that has been around for quite a while and is consistently pretty revolting.
Above we see what McDonalds management believe you get when you order the Lean Beef burger, doesn't look too bad does it? Certainly something to try if you're watching your calorie intake, although one has to wonder what you'd be doing at McDonalds in the first place if you were diet conscience.
Now we see what the customer gets when they purchase the lean beef burger, and I can fully guarantee this burger tastes as good as it looks, as it looks here, in these pictures. The inventors of one of the world's finest burger sauces, Mac sauce, have somehow managed to create, what I believe is the world's worst burger sauce, whatever the crap is they put on this burger is nausating, this coupled with the driest meat pattie I have ever had, they could add sawdust to the pattie and it'd be juicier, makes this a burger that not only looks tremendously unappetising but taste truly disgusting, the worst burger I have ever, partially, eaten.
Mc OZ - McDonalds
Another entry from McDonalds, hardly surprising I guess. The Mc OZ is the replacement for the now retired McFeast, its the same burger but with a slice of beetroot added. My guess is the name was changed due to 'Feast' having certain, now unwanted connotations for McDonalds.
Look at that fat juicy burger, thick pattie protuding from all sides, the perfectly placed, just starting to melt cheese and the carefully stacked extras with the sauces peaking out at all angles, now let's examine the actual product.
Here we have a totally different picture, which doesn't really tell a thousand words, more just one word, crap. This sorry looking thing is supposed to be a Mc OZ, fair dinkum seems to be the phrase that comes to mind when looking at it. You can see from the open picture that the cheese is clearly on one half of the burger with the beetroot slice, and the tomato is on the other half, the few shreds of lettuce are primarily stuck to the sauce which is the only thing that seems centred on the whole burger. You may not be able to tell from the pics but the pattie was truly disgusting, dry and tasteless, even for McDonalds.
Big Mac - McDonalds
So I had a big mac the other day, just had that craving you know....
Anyway went through the drive thru to get it, got home and while I wasn't expecting it too look like the picture above, as they never do, I was expecting something better than what I got!! This is what it looked like when I opened the box, click the pic for a hi-res one! Even the cheese is on the wrong half, whoever made this mac needs to go back to training!
After trying to straighten it up a bit I got into this mess. Again enjoy the hi-res mayhem with a click! I'll stick to my OLE burgers from now on.
Wonder if that's a Whopper - Burger King / Hungry Jacks
AWell I know this one is, look at the flame grill marks on the pattie, the fresh lettuce bursting out, resting ontop of some fat, brilliantly red tomato slices, and the crisp looking onion rings just above the juicy three pickles... looks fantastic.
Just looking at that burger makes me wanna get up, outta my chair right now and race down to Burger King and and get one! The burger below, kinda makes me wanna stay, firmly planted on my backside happy that I haven't parted with my $3.75. On this burger, the whole pattie looks like it's one entire grill mark, the cheese is on half the burger, there's bits of lettuce everywhere, and the mayo is scarce, which quite frankly is probably a good thing. The best part about this burger is the tomato, high quality and very tasty. Although for the price of the burger you could get a whole bag of tomatoes, so I wouldn't recommend buying this burger to experience the tomato alone. Below you can also see the 'country style' chicken burger, it's quite a tasty number, and this one, despite a fair bit of mayo being on the top half of the bun, wasn't a particularly bad looking one, however it was in the shot so...
Anyway, in order to really enjoy a burger of this calibur, letting it cool, as I clearly did in order to take the pictures, not only enhances the flavour, it increases the difficulty in swallowing each bite! Truly an experience to be had.
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As an adult of course you are able to put things in better perspective, although I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like, if I had a good digital camera back then, and somehow had the foresight to take good high resolution pictures of my McDonalds and other fast food before consuming, and sometimes mid consumption. That of course did not happen, and as a result we are stuck with memories to compare fast food from today to that of yesteryear, and that brings me to what we're doing here, comparing fast food, not to fading memories, but from what it should look like to what it actually does. Too many times you're at the counter at McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, or any of the many fast food outlets staring at the menu boards with their blinding flourscent backs lighting up picture perfect images of huge burgers with thick juicy patties, cheese melting just right on top, stacks of country fresh lettuce, tomato and what not neatly aligned with the buns, golden brown fries standing tall and straight, ice cream sundaes that look like they have been hand made and so on. Only to get your order and have to spend a few mintues trying to work out which particular burger it is you got.
